What should I think?


Hey guys,

Alright so something happened yesterday and I really don’t know what I SHOULD think about it. Everytime I tell most people this story they look at me like I’m being judgemental and whatever else.
Celia and I went to dinner in the dining hall yesterday at around 5:30. We got our food and found a table. When we put our stuff down someone walked right over to us. It was noticeable that she was at least physically disable, and later it was apparent that she is also mentally disabled. I went back up towards the food to get some BBQ sauce for my fries, and when I returned she was still there. Now, I haven’t had any experience with mentally or physically disabled people, so I just sat down and started eating. This girl stood there a while, then looked at Celia and said ‘is this your girlfriend?’ Celia, instead of answering, just looked at me. I tried lowering my voice a bit, and replied ‘I’m her boyfriend.’ She looked at me for a second and then said ‘so you’re transgender?’ I didn’t really know what to say. I mean obviously saying I’m not meant I was lying, but I lie about that all the time. Plus, I didn’t want to tell her I am transgender. So, again lowering my voice (or trying to), I said ‘Uhh… no?’. She then got a slightly confused look on her face. I lowered my hat on my head and continued eating my overly-greasy pizza. Instead of walking away she stood there a few seconds then said ‘So you just look like a girl?’. I looked up and said ‘Well I guess so.’

Of course at this point I was getting pretty upset, and mad. Here this chick is, interrupting my relaxing dinner time, and offending me all at one time. I continued eating just hoping she would walk away. After a few minutes, she did. We finished eating and went back to the dorm to get ready for Queers and Allies. I had to be there at 6:30 even though the meeting started at 7 because I am on exec board. The fact that someone insisted that I was a girl was still getting to me. I decided I had to wear a button up so that I  would (possibly) be able to pass a little more. I mean come on, you’d think wearing two binders would be enough! We got ready then rode our bikes over to the student union where the meeting was. I kept the story to myself and just went on with the meeting. We were just about to get started when the same girl from the dining hall walked in. She walked up to the front row and sat right next to Celia. At this point I was ready to throw my hands up, say ‘really, just my fucking luck’ and walk out. But, I decided that wouldn’t be the best thing to do. At one point she looked at Celia and said ‘this is my girlfriend’ and showed Celia a picture on her phone, which explained why she was at Q and A. Celia smiled and said something. After a few minutes this girl put her arm on her shoulder. This didn’t bother me because she had her arm on my girlfriend, but because I could tell Celia didn’t like it. Celia finally was like ‘hey, personal space’ and moved a bit so she’d move her arm.

After the Q and A meeting started I wrote the story on a business card and gave it to Erica. Erica is a great person, she’s been in Q and A for a few years. Her reply was ‘Do you think that maybe because she has a disorder that she did something that was socially unacceptable and offended you?’ And I didn’t really know what to say. I wrote ‘I don’t know but it ruined my day and pissed me off’. Erica looked at me like I was being a complete asshole.

Honestly, what should I think? Some random person walked up to me, in public, and insisted that I was a girl. She completely offended me, and upset me. Sure, she has a mental disorder, but if she does socially unacceptable things, then shouldn’t someone responsible be with her? When I suggested this to Celia she looked pretty mad and said something along the lines of this girl being an idividual and that she doesn’t know what’s socially acceptable because her brain is wired differently. Think about it though. If this girl were to be alone, get mad at someone, and murder them, she’d be fine because she’s ‘mentally unstable.’ Or what happens if she really pisses off someone that has an anger problem. This could put her in danger. But, if someone responsible is with her then that wouldn’t happen. Do not think that I’m trying to say people with disorders are murderers. I’m just saying that if they do not know what’s acceptable and what’s not maybe they should be supervised.

Am I really being a bad person by thinking that? What should I think? What would YOU think?

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About Alexzander

I am currently 19 years old. I attend the University of Central Missouri. I am a Criminal Justice major. I am transgender FTM. I have been wanting to make a blog to write about my struggles with transitioning and to help other FTMs. Ideas are needed!
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